Misery Loves The Company Of A Blade
by Laura-Hunni-12
Summary: 4th Re-write: Sasuke loves Naruto, but Naruto's dating Gaara. Sasuke's newest fascination could have devastating results. WARNING: yaoi, self-harm, attempted suicide, angsting Sasuke. NaruGaaNaru, eventual NaruSasu main pairings.
1. Misery Loves The Company

_**RE-WRITE**_

_**THIS IS THE RE-WRITTEN VERSION - I HAD A REVIEW THAT STATED THAT THE END WAS A BIT RUSHED. I LOOKED BACK, AND YES IT WAS. AND I WANTED A SEQUEL, BUT THE ORIGINAL STORY DIDN'T FIT WITH WHAT I WANTED, SO I DECIDED TO RE-WRITE IT.**_

Life wasn't fair on Sasuke Uchiha.

His brother was abroad, shagging some dude named Kisame, and his parents were dead.

He was in love with his best friend – who just happened to be a boy.

Said boy was dating someone else.

Sasuke and Naruto Uzumaki were inseparable until the new kid Gaara came along. After a while, he was accepted into Naruto's inner circle of friends, which consisted of Sasuke, Kiba, Shikamaru, Chouji, Neji, Lee and Sai.

And a few months later, Naruto and Gaara had started dating. And they took it upon themselves to go round to Naruto and Sasuke's apartment (as they lived together by themselves) and start fucking loudly.

In a way, Sasuke had always been in love with Naruto ever since they were thirteen and they had just started living together. Sasuke had accidentally walked in on Naruto while he was having a shower.

They were now sixteen, and Sasuke found it impossible to get over the blond. Especially when Naruto and Gaara started dating.

They were always together – in lessons, lunch, after school...it hurt for Sasuke to be around them. It felt like they were intentionally flaunting their relationship to break him.

And if that was the case, it worked. That was also around the same time that Sasuke started cutting himself. He started off thinking that the pain in his arms would replace the pain of his heart shattering. It wasn't as if Naruto had told him about it – Sasuke had found them kissing in the school corridor a few months ago.

-flashback-

_It was almost time for Art. Sasuke wanted to find Naruto, so that the idiot wouldn't be late. It wasn't that Deidara was strict – in fact, he was carefree. It was his partner, Sasori, that was strict. Sasuke turned the corner into the Science department, where Naruto would have just come from. _

_That was when he found Naruto, pushing Gaara up against the wall and kissing him with everything that he had._

_Sasuke felt his heart shatter into pieces like a crystal that had fallen to the ground. _

_Sasuke ran. He ran out of the school, and back to the apartment. It only took him ten minutes, and he was exhausted and sweaty. He decided to have a shower. _

_His forehead was pressed onto the tiled wall, as tears fell, mixing with the water from the shower. That was when he found the razor blade in his eyesight. He bent down, picking it up. _

"_If I hurt myself, maybe it will take the pain away?" he thought. His mind was made up, and he dragged the blade across his arm. It hurt like hell, and the blood flowed down his arm, and on the shower floor, the water washing it away. The cut wasn't so deep, it was shallow enough, but it was quite long. _

_But the pain in his arm was distracting. And this felt good to Sasuke._

-end flashback-

He had told Naruto that it was caused by an accident he had while on his way home – involving some shattered glass. Naruto, being the idiot that he was, believed the lame excuse. Sasuke didn't expect any more, or any less.

But as the months wore on, Naruto and Sasuke spent less time together. Before Naruto started dating Gaara, the blond and the raven would always hang out at the apartment, or see a few movies. But now, everywhere Naruto was, Gaara followed.

Sasuke listened to his alarm clock blaring out one morning. He was sleep-deprived again, and the cloudy weather matched his mood. Gaara had stopped over once again. It seemed as though he had already moved in – or he might as well have done, as he was always around. Sasuke moaned in anger, and he went into the bathroom to shower. Luckily, he had his own adjoining bathroom. He looked in the mirror, and saw that he looked a mess. He had been crying all night, as he had his iPod on full blast to block out the sound of Naruto pounding into Gaara – that was the assumption that he got when he heard Gaara scream 'more, Naruto!'. His eyes were puffy from the tears, and it looked like he hadn't had a decent night's sleep in weeks. He had cried until he felt like he couldn't cry anymore. He brushed his teeth, before starting the shower. Once he stepped in, he found comfort in his new best friend, the razor blade. His arms were now littered with fading scars from other previous encounters with said blade. He had to keep changing blades because some time down the line they would come out blunt, and they would barely scratch him. The one he had now was brand new, and shiny.

Another three cuts were now added to the collection.

It seemed odd how nobody noticed how Sasuke started wearing long-sleeved t-shirts and hoodies. However, it was getting colder now, as winter was approaching – it was November, but it was still mild. The sleeves were perfect for hiding the scars. He had only gotten away with it the first time round because of his lame excuse that Naruto accepted. He wondered if the likes of Shikamaru Nara would have been so accepting. Naruto and Shikamaru were literally polar opposites when it came to using brains. Naruto was an idiot, and Shikamaru was...not.

Once Sasuke was out of the shower (and his latest cuts were bandaged), he dressed in a black short-sleeved t-shirt (he could get away with it with a hoodie on), skinny jeans, Converse and a black hoodie. His hair was the same as it always has been – the back of his hair always stuck up like a duck's butt.

He grabbed his bag and made it out of his room. Nobody else seemed to be awake, which was perfect. Sasuke didn't want to face either of him. In fact, he just wanted to get out of the apartment – which was what he did.

After five minutes of pointless walking, he almost bumped into Shikamaru.

'Whoa, Sasuke! You look like shit!' Shikamaru commented. The fact that Sasuke's appearance jerked Shikamaru out of his carefree world shook him sligtly, but he let it slide.

'I couldn't sleep,' Sasuke responded quite bluntly. Normally, if Shikamaru had commented on Sasuke's appearance, a reply about Shikamaru's pineapple hair would follow. However, today, it didn't. Shikamaru noticed this and raised an eyebrow, before sighing.

'Troublesome. Was Gaara round yours' last night?'

Sasuke only nodded.

'What a drag. Can I say something?'

'Go ahead.'

'I'm sure this isn't in my place, but you love Naruto, don't you?'

That was when Sasuke leant on a wall, and slid down so he was sat. Shikamaru sat next to him. Sasuke felt tears building up, and tried to hold them back.

'You don't have an IQ of 200 for nothing,' was Sasuke's only response.

'Troublesome,' Shikamaru responded. Sasuke couldn't hold the tears back anymore, and let them flow. Why did he have to be in love with such an idiot, and have that idiot chase someone else? Why did he have to wish that Naruto was pounding into him instead of Gaara? Why did he have to wish that Naruto called him his own, instead of only loving him as a brother and best friend?

What the fuck did Sasuke do wrong?

Shikamaru stood up, and held his hand out to Sasuke. Sasuke took the hand, unaware that the sleeves on his hoodie and shirt had trailed down together, revealing his scars and the bandage from this morning. However, Shikamaru was fully aware. Of course, people didn't call him a genius for nothing.

'What the hell, Sasuke?' he asked, shoving the sleeve up to look at the bandage.

'It's...nothing...I fell on some glass.' Shikamaru saw through the lie instantly, even though Sasuke had kept his uncaring face on.

'Several times over, because you're really that clumsy,' Shikamaru retorted sarcastically.

'Shikamaru...'

"_I can't take him back to his, Naruto and Gaara might be there. That'll be the first place they will look when they find out he's not in school. I can't take him back to mine, they'll look there when they realise that I'm missing. I can't take him to my cloud-watching spot, that's another obvious place. I have the key to Chouji's. He'll be in school, so nobody will suspect that I'm there," _Shikamaru thought.

'You can't go to school in this state. We'll go to Chouji's. He wouldn't mind. His parents will be out, and no-one will suspect we're there. Besides, I can't be bothered with school today. History's a drag.' Sasuke nodded. Chouji's parents worked at the local cafe. Sasuke nodded, and Shikamaru led him to Chouji's. Of course – Shikamaru and Chouji were in some sort of relationship. Also, despite having an IQ of 200, Shikamaru was really lazy.

Once inside, they both sat down on the couch. Shikamaru looked over at Sasuke's scars.

'How long?' Shikamaru asked.

'Since I first saw them together. That was why I skipped the rest of the day a few months ago.' He pointed at the scar from that very day.

'Why?'

'It felt good. It distracts me from the pain in my heart that I feel every time I see or hear them together.' Sasuke leaned on the arm of the sofa, while Shikamaru stood up so Sasuke could stretch out fully on the sofa.

With Chouji and Naruto

Chouji was waiting for Shikamaru to turn up in class. The guy who had once been his best friend, and now his lover. Chouji was always excited for his Shika to arrive with that same bored expression he always wore.

That was when his phone vibrated in his pocket. Chouji turned his attention away from his snacks (which was a rarity) when he found that the text was from Shika:

_Hey, Sasuke's in a state, so we're skipping today. He's really depressed, and I couldn't leave him. We're round at yours, otherwise others would suspect. Please don't tell anyone, and make some kind of excuse for me. I'll see you later_

_Love you xx_

Chouji hit the reply button and started typing:

_That's no problem. I hope he's okay. He has seemed depressed lately, so send my wishes. I'll see you later :)_

_Love you too xx_

Chouji put his phone away, just as he was ambushed by Naruto.

'Hey, Chouji!'

'Naruto!'

Naruto smirked, as he and Gaara took their places next to Chouji.

_-little timeskip-_

"_Where is Sasuke and Shikamaru today? They're usually here by now, and Sasuke wasn't in the apartment when we woke up this morning..."_ Naruto was thinking this as Kakashi-sensei blabbered on in History. The lazy teacher hadn't bothered with the register, so he couldn't find out where they were.

Unless...

Shikamaru was cheating on Chouji with Sasuke?

Suddenly, at this thought, Naruto felt a burning anger in his stomach. He put it down to the fact that Shikamaru could be cheating on the one person that was so good for him.

There was also the thought of Sasuke being with someone. He knew that Sasuke was gay, but he had never pegged as Shikamaru being his type.

'Psst...Chouji, where's Shikamaru and Sasuke?' Naruto asked.

'Shika's ill, so he's stayed home. As for Sasuke, I don't know. Text him?' Then Chouji went back to his potato chips. Naruto caught on to only a few things, but he caught on to the fact that Shikamaru was too lazy to cheat. Naruto sneaked his phone out and started typing:

_Where are you bastard? I'm worried about you. You weren't around this morning, and I thought you'd headed to school early. I hope you're alright? It's not like you to skip..._

Naruto put his phone away and tried to pay attention to Kakashi-sensei's mindless droning, with Gaara rubbing his back in comfort.

'It's not like Sasuke to skip. I wonder what's wrong?' Gaara whispered.

'It sucks. I wanted to apologise for yesterday.'

It truly sucked. Last night, Sasuke and Naruto had an argument about how they never saw each other much anymore.

-flashback-

_Sasuke got home later than usual. It was clear that he was pissed off._

_'What's wrong, Sasuke?' Naruto naively asked._

_'What's wrong? I never seem to see you anymore. We never hang out like we used to.'_

_'You know I'm with Gaara, right?'_

_'Well, of course! It would be nice if you took your best friend into consideration at some point, and maybe wonder if, you know, if he might want to spend some time with you?'_

_'What's that supposed to mean?'_

_'We never hang out like we used to. We always used to stay up all night and swap stories from our childhood, and maybe shoot up some zombies on the console.'_

_'Those days are gone. We have to grow up sometime. Stop living in the past. Maybe if you got yourself a boyfriend, then this wouldn't happen.'_

_SMACK!_

_Naruto clutched his face. Yes, Sasuke had smacked him. Hard._

_'BASTARD! What was that for?'_

_'This has NOTHING to do with me not having a boyfriend. This one's all on you!'_

_'What do you want me to do?'_

_'I don't know. But I know what I won't do. I won't force you into an ultimatum. I won't ask you to pick me or Gaara. Just leave me alone. I've had enough. You're my best friend, and I miss that.' _

_With that, Sasuke walked into his bedroom, and slammed the door, before locking it._

Naruto's head slumped onto the desk loudly, causing some of the students around him to look at him.

'Is something wrong, Uzumaki?' Kakashi-sensei asked.

'Nope,' he replied, wearing his mask of happiness. As soon as Kakashi-sensei started talking about History, he started to think about what he could do to make it up to Sasuke.

With Sasuke and Shikamaru

Sasuke's phone buzzed as he laid on the couch. He saw that the text was from Naruto, and he read said message. He didn't bother to reply, instead he flipped the phone shut, and set it back on the floor. Sasuke was totally worn out from the tears and the sleepless night. Shikamaru was sat on the floor, and they were both watching some mindless TV about some jackass presenter yelling at chavs, drug addicts and runaway dads to get of their asses and get a job. The show was all about DNA tests and lie detectors.

'What a drag,' Shikamaru commented, after one girl had failed the lie detector and adamantly stated that the detector was wrong. Shikamaru had failed to notice that the show had bored Sasuke into sleeping.

-_time skip...again_-

It was quite a while until Sasuke woke. This time, he was in someone else's bed. He sat up and glanced around. He noticed the Akimichi clan symbol on one of the walls.

Of course. This must be Chouji's room.

As if on cue, said boy knocked, before entering.

'Hello, Sasuke,' Chouji said happily.

'What time is it?'

'It's just after five. You hungry?'

'No. Thank you.' Just then, Sasuke's stomach betrayed him by growling. Sasuke sweat-dropped.

Shikamaru entered through the open door.

'Naruto's been round everywhere, asking for you. I said I hadn't seen you,' Shikamaru stated.

'Thank you.' Sasuke's hands clung harder to the sheets, anger racing through him. He looked around for his phone, and found it on the bedside table.

_20 messages, 10 missed calls_

They were all from Naruto. Of course. He jumped out of bed, clung onto his phone, and walked over to the window, opened the largest one wide, and threw his phone out. He heard a crashing noise some distance away.

Problem solved.

'You can tell Chouji everything. Thank you, Shikamaru. I should be heading home.'

'What about-' Shikamaru started, but Sasuke cut him off.

'I'll deal with it.'

'O-okay.'

'Thank you, Chouji.' With that, Sasuke left the bedroom, and the house. Shikamaru didn't want Sasuke to be alone in his delicate state. But he had insisted.

'What's going on?' Chouji asked. Shikamaru wrapped an arm around Chouji's shoulder, and told him everything.

It surprised Sasuke how close his apartment was to Chouji's house. It seemed to take every ounce of courage he had left to turn the key and open the door. Almost as soon as he opened the door, Naruto was right in front of him.

'WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU, BASTARD? I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU!'

Sasuke ignored him, opting to go straight to his room.

'DON'T IGNORE ME! DO YOU REALISE WHAT I HAD TO DO TO TRY AND FIND YOU?'

Sasuke still ignored him. He made it to his room, and locked the door. Naruto banged on said door.

'COME ON, BASTARD! WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO NOW?'

'JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, IDIOT!' Sasuke ended up hiding in his bathroom until the banging stopped. Then voices.

Gaara must be here again. Great.

"_Fuck my life._"

With Naruto

"_What the fuck have I done? Everything was fine..."_ Naruto carried on banging on the door, until he heard a different knock. Naruto hesitantly walked to the door, to find Gaara.

'Naruto. Did you find him?' Gaara asked.

'Yeah. He came back a few minutes ago. He's locked himself in his room again.' Naruto let Gaara in, and shut the door. They sat on the sofa, Naruto's head on Gaara's shoulder.

'I don't know what I've done. For a while, it's felt like we're not best friends anymore. We're roomates that just live different lives now. That's what it feels like.'

'Give him time and space. He'll come round.'

'Are you sure?' Naruto looked more worried than before.

'Yes. You're a great friend, and you care about him. That's what I love so much about you.'

'I love you, too.' They edged closer to each other and kissed passionately.

With Sasuke

'_That's what I love so much about you._'

'_I love you too_.'

Naruto loved Gaara. That was the last blow for Sasuke. Whatever he had left of his heart had left him when the couple exchanged their words of love for each other, and it made Sasuke feel quite sick. He looked for his private stash of booze. He wanted to drown out everything.

Several shots and bottles of beer later, and he could barely sit up. He laid on the bed, as he listened to Naruto and Gaara going at it. Things were different, as from the noise, it was assumed that Naruto was taking it this time.

This angered Sasuke. Gaara was fucking the very person that Sasuke wanted to be with. Sasuke, for an unknown reason, unlocked the bedroom door, before stumbling and crawling to his bathroom. Taking a brand new razor blade, he drunkenly slashed his wrists, much deeper than he had before. That one cut was enough for him. He didn't want anything to do with this world any longer. He sat in the shower, letting the blood run down his arm and stain his clothes and the shower floor.

His eyes drooped.

With Naruto and Gaara

Naruto laid back on the bed, spent after his orgasm. Gaara laid down next to him.

'You should try again with Sasuke,' Gaara said. Naruto nodded. He really needed to apologise to his best friend.

'You're right. I feel so bad.' Naruto nodded, wincing at the pain of bottoming for the first time ever. He sat up and dressed himself, before going over to Sasuke's room. He knocked, before saying,

'Sasuke. I'm coming in.' He opened the door, half-expecting it to be locked. Because of this, he was nearly sent flying. Sasuke wasn't in his room, but there was evidence that he was inebriated – several bottles lay on the bed.

"_The bathroom light's on..."_ Naruto walked over to the bathroom door, and opened it.

What he saw shocked him.

'GAARA! CALL AN AMBULANCE!' Naruto shouted, running over to Sasuke. The blood horrified him. Naruto took off his shirt and wrapped it around his arm, trying to stem the blood flow. The cut was really deep. He could hear Gaara talking to the operator.

'Please hang on, Sasuke!' Naruto cried out. He felt like he had really failed his best friend. Tears streamed down his face, and for some reason, Naruto could feel his heart breaking, and he felt ill, from the blood and the trauma.

With Sasuke and Naruto

He blinked. The light. Was he dead?

No. He was in a hospital.

He wanted to die, so why? Did fate really hate him?

First, he turned out to be gay. Second, his parents died. Third, he fell in love with his best friend. Fourth, his best friend loved someone else. Fifth, his suicide attempt was stopped. No doubt by the idiot.

"_I knew I should have kept that door locked." _Sasuke thought to himself.

Tears started falling. How could this happen? Everything in his life was going so wrong, and he felt that the only way to stop it would be to end his own life. Even that went wrong.

'Bastard,' he heard someone say. Sasuke looked around, to find Naruto sat on the chair next to his bed.

'Why...?' Sasuke asked.

'Why? Care to tell me why you felt the need to try and kill yourself?'

'As if you would care.'

'Why wouldn't I care? You're my best friend.'

'It hasn't felt like it lately. Care to tell me why you felt the need to save me, when it was perfectly clear that I didn't need or want saving?'

Naruto looked defeated. He hadn't known what his best friend had been going through until he saw the fading scars on his arms.

'How long? How long has it been?'

'Four months, two weeks and one day. Four months, two weeks and one day since the first time I pulled that razor blade across my skin.'

Naruto looked at him in shock. All that time...where was he when this first started? He should have been aware that his best friend was suddenly depressed.

And then he remembered. That was the amount of time that him and Gaara started dating. He was so absorbed in his new relationship that he had forgotten about Sasuke. Sasuke was right all along about Naruto deserting him.

The guilt pierced Naruto's heart like a bunch of needles had struck him. And it was painful. He tried to hold back tears.

'Sasuke...I-' Naruto tried to apologise, but Sasuke cut him off.

'I think you should leave,' Sasuke told him.

'Why? Why would you do this to yourself? Naruto pressed. Sasuke knew he wouldn't leave until he got an answer.

'Because I love you, okay? Because I love you, and you love Gaara! There, I said it. You can leave now.' Sasuke turned in the bed, away from Naruto. He took care not to knock his injured arm. He heard a scraping of a chair, and footsteps heading out of the room. To Sasuke, each footstep sounded out rejection.

Silent tears escaped Sasuke.

With Naruto

Naruto headed out of the room, shocked at what he had heard.

Sasuke loved him?

He needed to process all of this information. It was three in the morning, and his best friend nearly killed himself because he loved him.

Naruto felt horrified that this had gone on for so long. Why hadn't he noticed? Sasuke was his best friend. They spent every day together. They had their arguments, but then they had always made up in one way or another. But this was too much this time.

But Naruto loved Gaara. Didn't he?

Naruto shook his head. He needed everything straightened out. He couldn't do it here, in the hospital, with Sasuke so close to him.

Was this why Sasuke didn't turn up at school today? Or answer his phone?

'Naruto?' a voice called. Naruto turned to face Gaara.

'Oh. Hey.' Gaara sat down next to Naruto.

'Is he awake?

'Yes. But I don't know what to do. It's all my fault.' That was when Naruto started crying hard.

'Why? What's wrong?'

'Sasuke...loves me...that's why he's been cutting himself and...I...' Gaara wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

'Do you love him?' The question made Naruto jump. Where did that come from?

'I...I don't know,' Naruto admitted, 'I know I...didn't want to lose him...I felt my heart break when I found him. But I know I love you as well. Why did this have to happen?'

'I believe that you truly love him more than you could ever love me. I guess I've known this for a while, but I didn't want to admit it to myself, because I love you. This is why I'm saying...forget about me. Go after him. He needs you. I can tell that you love him. I've seen it in your eyes.'

'Why did you stay with me if that's what you thought?'

'Isn't it obvious? I love you. I'm in love with you, so I pay attention to you. I've seen the way you look at him, yet I was selfish and I wanted you for myself. I'm not going to be selfish anymore. I paid attention to you, as people in love do. I saw the way you looked at Sasuke.'

'I'm sorry, Gaara. I truly am.' He was sorry. He was sorry that he had hurt Sasuke, and he was sorry that this was how it had to end between him and Gaara.

'Don't worry about me. I'll see you around,' he said before standing up and walking away. Naruto watched his now-ex-boyfriend walk away. He slumped in his chair, mulling things over.

He couldn't do it in the hospital. The awful smell of disinfectant clung to the air, and the fact that Sasuke was a few metres away from him didn't help this sudden headache.

So he sat up and walked home.

He arrived at the apartment, his heart feeling heavier than before. He hadn't expected to be here, in Sasuke's room, having a staring match with the drying blood on the shower floor. Naruto sank to his knees, and started scrubbing. He scrubbed as hard as he could, and tears soon mixed with the cleaner and the dried blood that was coming off. His hands were becoming red with the harsh scrubbing.

_'If the blood goes, it never happened. It's all my fault_.'

Naruto couldn't deal with the guilt. That's what it was. It was pure guilt. He had shut his best friend out for a guy he barely knew, that he went with only because, somehow, he felt needed. Gaara made him feel things that he hadn't realised that he had missed.

But then his mind moved onto the first time he and Sasuke first met – they were starting elementary school, and Sasuke had just moved into town. Sasuke was introduced to Naruto's group by Shikamaru, and Naruto and Sasuke had felt the need to be rivals, but also best friends – as twisted as it may seem.

Back to the present. Naruto, after scrubbing the blood away, so that the water was now rinsing the blood-tinged bathroom cleaner suds, wandered back into Sasuke's room and started to clean up the bottles of alcohol. The room smelled of alcohol, of course, but Naruto didn't mind cleaning up. He doubted that when Sasuke came back from the hospital, he wanted to be reminded of what got him there in the first place.

Once the bottles were taken care of, Naruto was exhausted. He hadn't gotten any sleep, and it was now nearly six in the morning. The sky was still dark, as it was November. Instead of going to his own room, he decided to sleep in Sasuke's room. It was as though he was trying to get closer to his best friend, without actually being with him. Being near him hurt Naruto too much. The guilt crippled him. He laid on Sasuke's bed, taking in his best friend's unique scent. He hugged the pillow close to him, and closed his eyes.

He had almost lost his best friend due to his own stupidity and negligence.

He fell asleep, his last thoughts being on Sasuke.

_Naruto woke up in an unfamiliar room. After looking around, he recognised it as Sasuke's room. Naruto noticed that his chest was bare. He turned onto his back, and closed his eyes again. This was when he found an arm around his waist._

_His eyes flew open, only to meet the onyx eyes of Sasuke._

_'Morning, idiot,' he greeted, smirking slightly. Naruto brought him down to kiss him on the lips. Sasuke's lips were soft against his._

_'Morning, bastard.' Naruto giggled. Sasuke rubbed gentle circles in Naruto's waist, before kissing a trail from his collarbone to his jaw. Naruto's hand nestled in Sasuke's hair. Sasuke caught Naruto's lips in a heart-stopping kiss._

And that was when Naruto awoke suddenly, covered in sweat.

'_What the hell was that?_' he wondered to himself, before getting up off the bed and heading into his room to shower and change.

The dreams that involved Sasuke carried on for four more days. Naruto hadn't seen Sasuke since the first time they were in the hospital. The dreams became saucier as they progressed, but they had started off in the same fashion – with the gentle kissing and touching. It drove Naruto insane, and people at school were starting to notice. The 'official' story was that Sasuke had been stabbed in the arm by a mugger. Only Naruto, Sasuke, Gaara, Shikamaru and Chouji knew the real story. Of course, everyone assumed that Naruto was worried about Sasuke. Of course he was.

It wasn't just that, that plagued Naruto's mind.

He started wondering if Gaara's words were true. Naruto looked around the classroom, and his eyes caught those of the redhead. As though hearing Naruto's internal plea, Gaara made his way across to Naruto's desk.

'What's wrong?' Gaara asked.

'I don't know what's wrong with me,' Naruto whispered.

'Is it...?' Gaara asked. Naruto nodded. Naruto and Gaara both knew fully well.

'Naruto...have you seen him since?'

'No. It's been too hard. It's all my fault. If I hadn't been so stupid...'

'You're not stupid, Naruto. Sasuke's not stupid either. I was the one who was stupid. I knew how you felt, and yet I selfishly took you as my own anyway. If anything, I should make amends.'

'You don't need to. I'm the one that has to make amends. He's pissed off at me.' Gaara nodded, then went back to sit at his desk.

Naruto set his head on the desk and tried to sleep.

Naruto arrived at the apartment, Gaara's words still ringing in his ears. Naruto, not even bothering with some ramen, went into his room, before finding his photo album. He sat on the bed, flicking through the pages. There were picture of him and his parents, before they died. There were pictures of him with his friends, and plenty of pictures of him with Sasuke.

He paused at one particular picture, from a time where they had gone on a school trip to a rollercoaster park. Naruto had all but forced Sasuke onto the biggest rollercoaster – right at the front. The picture had been taken almost as soon as the ride had finished. Naruto and Sasuke were looking at each other – Sasuke had a look of annoyance on his face – but his eyes had the same expression that Naruto had seen in Gaara's eyes – love. Naruto looked over to himself – he was in the middle of yelling about how awesome the ride was – and the look in Naruto's eyes reflected the look in Sasuke's eyes.

That was when it hit him. He couldn't live without Sasuke. But for more reasons than he thought. He knew that it was too fast and seemed unrealistic, but somehow, he felt that he loved Sasuke all along. He was either denying it, or he never realised it until now. He went for the latter.

That was it. He stood up with new-found determination. He walked back into the hospital and into Sasuke's room, and sat back down in the chair. Sasuke was laid on his back, sleeping. Naruto noticed that Sasuke wasn't covered in wires and tubes anymore, which was a great relief to the blond. Naruto leaned over and wiped the hair from Sasuke's face.

How had Naruto not noticed how beautiful this boy was? It was literally like seeing Sasuke in a new light.

Sasuke stirred. He blinked, and looked over at what had disturbed his sleep.

'What are you doing here?' he asked. Ignoring his question, Naruto quickly bent down and placed a kiss on Sasuke's lips. Sasuke froze beneath him.

'I love you,' Naruto whispered, 'I know I figured it out too late, and I'm sorry.'

'What about Gaara?'

'I could never love him like this. I feel so stupid for not figuring it out sooner. I'm not with Gaara anymore...please. I couldn't live without you. When I found you, I was devastated. Please...' With that, Naruto kissed Sasuke again. Sasuke loosened up a little, with Naruto running his right hand through Sasuke's hair, while the left hand was on his waist. Soon, Sasuke gave in to the feel of Naruto's lips, and what Naruto was doing to him, both physically and emotionally. The kiss was much better than what Naruto had dreamed of or anticipated. The soft moaning from Sasuke confirmed that he felt the same.

They both shed tears in this moment. They looked into each others' eyes as they parted to breathe.

'I love you, Naruto.'

'I love you too, Sasuke.'


	2. Alternate Version

Misery Loves The Company Of A Blade – alternative ending

_**Now, I know the second chapter had really good reviews (I thank you) and this is a special part for Akira Nishikawa, because she mentioned that she was surprised that Sasuke survived. So, here is the alternate ending, just for her! Also, thank you to Iysu Uchiha for the constructive criticism for the first chapter! **_

_**I'm starting from a little bit into the story, so you know what's going on. Yes, I'm starting with the hardcore suicide shit. **_

_**I don't own Naruto. If I did, instead of fighting at the Valley of the End, they would have made sweet, beautiful love by the waterfall (cheesy, I know XD)**_

_With Sasuke_

_Taking a brand new razor blade, he drunkenly slashed his wrists, much deeper than he had before. That one cut was enough for him. He didn't want anything to do with this world any longer. He sat in the shower, letting the blood run down his arm and stain his clothes and the shower floor._

_His eyes drooped. Darkness took him._

With Naruto and Gaara

Naruto laid back on the bed, spent after his orgasm. Gaara laid down next to him.

'You should try again with Sasuke,' Gaara said. Naruto nodded. He really needed to apologise to his best friend.

'You're right. I feel so bad.' Naruto nodded, wincing at the pain of bottoming for the first time ever.

'How do you do it?' Gaara asked him. Naruto faced him.

'Do what?'

'Care so much? I mean, I had such a bad childhood, and I've only ever really cared about you. You care for everyone, even if they don't mean well. So...how?'

'I dunno. I guess they're worth it, and I can see that.' Gaara wrapped his arms around Naruto, and brought him closer. Naruto winced, as the movement hurt his back a little.

'Go and see Sasuke. I'm genuinely worried about him, and you. He hasn't been right for a while.'

'The dust needs to settle before we talk. It happens all the time. I'll see him in the morning.' Gaara gave him a questioning look, but it was true. Whenever Naruto and Sasuke argued over something major, they would both sulk and sleep it off. In the morning, they would come to realise how silly they were, and they would forgive each other over breakfast. It was the usual ritual for them, and it's been that way since they started living together.

'Whatever, I hope it works out. I don't want you losing your best friend. Let's get some sleep, okay?' Gaara kissed the top of Naruto's head, before laying his head on the pillow. Naruto's head soon followed.

Next morning

Sasuke didn't turn up to breakfast. This worried Naruto.

'Sasuke? Breakfast's ready!' he shouted this as he sat at Sasuke's door, continually knocking.

'Sasuke? If you don't answer the door, I'll come in anyway! This isn't like you!'

Naruto was getting worried now. Sasuke _always_ showed up at some point. Standing up, he turned the door handle, thinking it would be locked. However, the door opened, and Naruto walked in.

Sasuke wasn't in the bedroom. However, the stench of booze lingered from the night before. Bottles were littered everywhere.

Naruto's gaze focused on some light, coming from the bathroom. Following the light source, he looked towards the bathroom, where the sight that greeted him wasn't pleasant.

'GAARA! CALL AN AMBULANCE!' Naruto shouted, before running into the bathroom, and focusing entirely on Sasuke.

After examining him, Naruto couldn't find a pulse, or a heartbeat, or anything that signalled that there was some life in the Uchiha.

'Please, don't leave me. I'm so sorry.'

The paramedics came quickly – much quicker than expected. Naruto sat on the bed while the paramedics examined Sasuke. Dread filled Naruto with every second that passed. Every second that felt like an hour. Even Gaara's soothing touch did nothing to help.

'I'm so sorry,' one of the paramedic's voices rang out, 'we did everything we could.'

Naruto felt his heart shatter instantly. His best friend...his Sasuke...gone.

Naruto would never look into his onyx eyes again.

Naruto would never hear his voice again.

Naruto would never see him smile again (not that he did much).

Naruto would never see him _live_ again.

Three days later

Naruto sat in the armchair. He kept hoping that this was some sick April Fool's joke. The police interrogation was horrendous. Both Naruto and Gaara were in the police station for hours, going over and over the details as to how Sasuke died. In the end, the cause of death was known as 'suicide'.

The school was to hold a memorial service, but Naruto couldn't face it. Naruto had already ended things with Gaara. It happened after the police interrogation in the afternoon of Sasuke's death.

_Flashback_

_'Naruto, how did the interrogation go?' Gaara asked._

_'I'm innocent. That's pretty obvious.' Naruto started to walk away, and out of the station. It had begun to rain._

_'Naruto! I know you probably don't wanna be alone right now...'_

_'Please...SHUT UP!' Naruto shouted. Gaara flinched._

_'Naruto...'_

_'I can't do this right now. None of this is your fault, but...I can't do this anymore...I mean, us. I'm sorry.' _

_Naruto completely broke down at this moment. Gaara, still obviously caring for Naruto, wrapped his arms around Naruto._

_'Even if I can't be here for you as a boyfriend, let me be here as a friend?'_

_End flashback_

Naruto cried at the memory. He held the quilt closer to him. The apartment felt so empty without Sasuke. The photo album lay on Naruto's lap, closed. A note was placed on top of it. It was dated from, strangely enough, the day that he and Gaara got together.

_Naruto_

_If you're reading this, it means two things: either I'm dead, or you're being a loser and snooping round my things._

_I doubt I can live much longer, with this pain I'm going through. For years, I've felt it. I doubted that it was right for me to have these feelings. I mean, how many people in the world frown upon homosexuals? That's not the point. I began to realise that it was normal, and people were just people. I began to feel more comfortable with myself when more and more people were 'coming out'. _

_The reaction I got from being gay was nothing compared to how I felt when I saw the man I love with someone else._

_You see, I guess this is a good time to tell you that I love you, Naruto. More than a best friend should, really. But it hurt when I saw you kissing Gaara. _

_So if you're reading this, then that means I couldn't take it anymore._

_Goodbye, my love,_

_Sasuke_

Tears splodged some of the writing, but it was still eligible. This was Naruto's answer to the questions building up in his head. But it was still not enough.

Naruto looked through the photo album that he had recently dug up from the depths of his messy room. Most of the pictures featured him with Sasuke – he hadn't even seen the photo album since before he started dating Gaara.

"_So pictures are the only way I'm going to get to see Sasuke again? This sucks. I need him. I love him._

_Wait. I love him? Did I just think that?_"

One week later

Sasuke's funeral took place on a rainy day, naturally enough. Nobody had realised until now how depressed he was. Even his brother, Itachi, had come for the service.

Naruto carried Sasuke's note with him at all times now. It reminded him of his stupidity. Even though he now knew why it had happened, his mind refused to process it. If anything, he was now confused about his own feelings.

Every night, he would sleep in Sasuke's room, cuddling the pillow. Naruto felt that if he believed hard enough, it would be Sasuke in his arms. Disappointment came every single morning when he judged the pillow to be too soft and squishy to be Sasuke. The only plus-side was that the pillow smelled of Sasuke.

School wasn't the same. Naruto's friends were always cautious around him. Gaara had somehow moved on with Rock Lee. For some reason, he didn't feel angry at his ex-boyfriend's suddenly moving on, or at Lee himself. Naruto just felt lonely.

Naruto had accepted his feelings for Sasuke, however begrudgingly. It was too late for him to do anything now.

And he cursed his own stupidity. He cursed himself for letting himself fall half-heartedly for Gaara instead of Sasuke.

All he needed right now was Sasuke.

It was a shame Sasuke was now six feet under.

One month later

The setting was so fitting for this moment. The Saturday morning was cold, and it had just started to rain. Like the broken man he was, Naruto wandered into the street with only a t-shirt and a pair of jeans on. His eyes were downcast, and he walked slowly. He didn't know why he did this earlier, but a lot had been on his mind today, and he felt that it was about time.

When he reached his destination, he collapsed on his knees. His shoulders shake as he starts crying.

'Sasuke...why? I would give anything just to hear you call me an idiot, or a loser, or anything! I just really want you back. I found your note that you left me, but it still hurts. It hurts that I realised too late...that I love you. Why did it have to be like this? I know I should have realised it sooner. All I want now is to touch you and be touched by you. I miss your eyes, your hair...everything about you. I know I'm too late. How do I live, knowing I couldn't even save one friend? I'm sorry for everything.'

Naruto placed a hand on the gravestone in front of him. He stayed like this for hours. The rain was soaking his clothes, making them stick to his skin. Naruto's tears and the rain mingled together.

Naruto, his energy draining, wrapped his arms around Sasuke's tombstone.

'I love you so much, Sasuke. I need _you_ in my arms, not this fucking tombstone!'

This was when Naruto stood up. The rain receeded, and the sun started breaking through the clouds. Naruto looked up at the break in the clouds, and whispered:

'I'll be with you someday, Sasuke. I love you. I'm sorry.'

_**I had a similar sort of thing planned with a NaruGaa setting, but because I wrote this, I think I'll disregard the old story. That's because the endings were too similar, in my opinion. Also, I found some fanfics that took lines from other books. I didn't want to use lines from books unless they meant something, and even then, they would be quotes and will be quoted as such, and authors would be credited for the quote.**_

_**I CRIED WHILE WRITING THIS! DAMN!**_

_**Oh, and the note – of course you didn't see Sasuke write it. He'd written it when he started self-harming, so yeah.**_

_**This is finally IT for Misery Loves The Company Of A Blade. However, I might write a sequel. Who would like to see that? I like this pairing almost as much as Naruto and Gaara, so it was great that I could write both pairings into the story (as well as Gaara and Lee, they're another adorable couple).**_

_**NOTE: This is only an alternate ending. In the story, it doesn't happen this way at all. This was only a thank you to Akira Nishikawa and Iysu Uchiha for their great and helpful reviews!**_

_**Also, I mentioned a show in this story, where there are lie detectors and DNA test results and chavs? Well, I'm using the show format with Naruto and Sasuke for a different story. Watch this space for Naruto on The Jeremy Kyle Show, currently **_


End file.
